Fear of abandonment: where it comes from and how to treat it

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Fear of abandonment is a very common phobia, but one that people find it difficult to identify as being unconscious. It is not as simple to assume as the fear of the dark, of snakes or of height, for example. But this fear can transform relationships and disrupt the daily lives of those who suffer from this problem.

Fear of abandonment arises early in life

The fear of abandonment arises already in our first years. When the woman gives birth, the baby comes out of the comfort of the mother’s womb, where he feels welcomed, safe and nurtured and departs for a totally unknown reality.

The fear of abandonment appears as a primary defense mechanism since, in infancy, children depend exclusively on adults to survive. For this reason, the support, attention, and affection of parents from childhood is so important to form adults without the fear of abandonment.

How can the fear of abandonment be avoided?

Only the constant presence of parents and/or caregivers in childhood, with affection and attention, can bring the security that the child needs; this way they feel that their survival will be guaranteed and they do not need to be afraid.

In the case of the child who has had conflicts in school and the unsafe partner in the adult relationship, they are both acting unconsciously as a way of drawing the attention of the mother or partner. Calling attention to yourself is an unconscious way of feeling secure.

The child begins to create mechanisms to raise the attention of parents from a very young age; when their brain realizes that their behavior is successful, that it works to gain attention, it becomes automatic so they feel safe and protected. In adult life, the same thing happens: if the fear of abandonment makes your partner try to give you more security, the insecure uses this fear as a way to gain more attention.

fear of abandonment

Maintain a positive mind is a way to treat this fear

Studies of the functioning of the human mind prove that a person’s mental state is more powerful than the biological factors. And for this to happen, it takes self-knowledge and understanding of the people around us, especially those who have the greatest degree of affective attachment to the one who feels insecure.

The suggestion of parapsychology for both cases – whether it is the fear of abandonment in childhood or in adult relationships – is that the insecure tries to maintain a positive mental attitude.

Strive to keep good thoughts about the person who begets you, such as trust, appreciation, recognition, affection, respect. And the dialogue must be constant so that the other knows of their feelings and they can, then, understand them – after all, nobody has telepathy to be able to understand exactly what is happening.

Usually, the detachment in relationships happens because of some concern that a person is feeling and that their thinking cannot be in focus. The greater the degree of understanding and companionship to overcome this problem, the greater the chances of living healthy relationships, which are based on affection and not on lack or fear of losing. When you are aware of the feelings you both experience, you are most likely to live in peace and harmony.

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