Narcissistic father: how to deal with this

To be the child of a narcissistic father is to learn not to live other than through the psychic destruction organized by him.

The parent, will justify his actions with sentences like “… it’s for your own good …”; boasting of doing all this for the best interests of the child. He puts forward the rules of the education, but his only objective is to destroy the child, to finally comply with his orders.

The environment does not notice the shape that the parent uses. Only the child knows internally what is happening. He cannot complain and must therefore internalize, moreover he constantly hears that all this is for his own good. Consequently, it is not uncommon that he is designated as a bad child in his own skin, responsible for the difficulties of his parents, disappointing, constantly devalued, clumsy, etc.

Child of a narcissistic father: what is the damage when you become an adult?

The adult who lived with a narcissistic father does not have a good self-esteem; he or she was devalued, even in a subtle way. Their father did not support them. They were not structuring because they put their needs before those of their child. After that, it is difficult to build an identity, to know their qualities, their weaknesses, their needs, their desires since they were raised to be at the service of their narcissistic perverse parent (flatter their ego, take responsibility that the parent does not take, “lend” them money, etc.).

Since unconditional love does not exist, nothing is never free. The child therefore finds themselves in over-adaptation, capable of accepting anything to have the impression of recieving love. The positive side is that this makes them available adults and attentive to others, but always in submission.

Alternating aggression and gentleness, demonstration of force and (false) submission, the narcissistic reduces the other to the state of an object, denying the very notion of otherness. The solution? Dare. Dare to say stop, preserve one’s integrity. Even if it seems aggressive.

Narcissistic father: how to deal with such a parent

Ask yourself the right questions

Sometimes we are in a relationship with a narcissistic person because they make us feel special in front of the eyes of others. If those around you admire your father, you can take advantage of this type of “power” and prestige. But ask yourself honestly if what this kind of relationship brings you is worth staying.

Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness would help some people with narcissism to live better. This type of meditation allows, for example, to recognize a beginning of anger and to change its behavior before it degenerates. If you want to offer this activity gently, without rushing your father, you can start by practicing it yourself, then invite him to try it.

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